Observing Communication

I observed a mother and her two children at a grocery store this week. The two children both boys one appeared to be around the age of one and the other about four. The lines were long, no express lanes and the store was short on help that evening. This particular family was directly in front of me in line. The one year old was asleep so the mother was only communicating with the oldest boy. The family all wore jeans; the mom appeared to have on an older pair of jeans and looked like she was in need of a new pair of shoes. The mom did not have on a jacket and it was very cold that evening. The youngest son did not have on shoes but he was buckled in his car seat with socks on and a blanket. The oldest son’s clothes were not clean and his shoes were very dirty. However, I know children around his age enjoy playing and may get their clothes dirty fast. Looking at the combination of their appearance, my first thought was they may be a family struggling like other families.

The family only had a few items in their shopping cart and the mom seemed to be mentally adding up the cost of the items in her cart. Then the mom checked back in her purse, I am assuming she was checking to see if she had enough money to cover the items. The oldest spotted some candy that was made with a toy that he wanted. He grabbed the candy and the mom immediately but quietly told him to put it back. The son made no initiative to put the item back. Instead he held on to the candy even tighter. The mother was obviously not trying to make a scene and wanted to be very discrete. She bent down to her son with her back towards me and whispered something in his ear but the boy said “no” very loudly.  The mother than started counting one, two, three but the boy held his head down and would not look at her. By now I was getting the impression the mom was starting to get impatient and embarrassed because she knew people were noticing the situation. The mom then grabbed the candy out of his hand and placed it on the shelf. This brought the boy to tears and he fell down on his knees. The mom then picks her son off the floor and puts him in the shopping cart and tells him to stop. She tries to casually talk to him and he does not respond or make eye contact.

One thing I have learned throughout the weeks is that it is important to allow children to express their feelings. I understand the mom was losing endurance and was probably beginning to feel uncomfortable but I know the situation could have been handled better. As well, I could not help but think that this child could use a persona doll to express his feeling. The doll could have a similar situation as the little boy and may make it easier for this boy to talk about his feelings. In addition, I am not sure of the entire conversation due to the low tone of voice but what I was able to hear and figure out, I know the choice of words could be better. Furthermore, if the mom had conversations prior with her son he would not have been expecting to receive a gift. I think some parents promise their child “you will get it next time” and children do not forget. Then when it is the “next time” their feelings are crushed when they once again are unable to keep the item. I am aware it is natural for a child to go somewhere and want something but explain to a child instead of telling them “no” or they can’t have it. An open line of communication makes it easier on the child rather if it is talking to a persona doll, talking to their parents or teacher.

If I were in that situation I would have talked to my child before going to the store so they would not be expecting to get anything extra. Next, I would have talked to my child about why he could not buy the candy. I wouldn’t have snatched the item from him but had him to put the candy back on his own. As well, I would have talked to him when we left the store to see if he had a better understanding.  Daily, I try to make sure children have a voice and by telling them to stop or not talk, I feel in a sense that is a form of taking away their voice.

Classism like many –isms is hard for children to understand. The child understands his mom is not allowing him to get the item of choice but does not really understand why he can’t have it. Explaining poverty and the causes of this situation is very difficult task. In addition, I have learned that my way of thinking has changed. I no longer look at a child acting out as a temper tantrum but more of a form of expressing their emotions because they are hurt.

Creating Affirming Environments

If I had my own Family Child Care Home, I would make sure it is a true “home” for children. Everyone wants to be at a place that is loving and caring. For young children it is extremely hard from them to leave their parents and their home because that is the place where they know they are safe. I want the environment to be inviting and warm. I want bright colors and furniture made specifically for children. I want signs in all languages. I would have posters, pictures and art work presenting different cultures and themes. I want to match all of the cultures of the children in the home and even some that are not. I want play areas where the children can use their imagination and explore. I want educational toys, as well as toys for the children to just have fun. I also want the children to be exposed to technology.

 I would have a positive faculty who are willing to go beyond to reach every child that comes in contact with our program. If possible it would be great to work with a diverse faculty so families could see a face that resembles their own. The faculty would not be a team but more like a family. The possibilities are amazing when people work together. I now understand the best way to get results are by working as a team.

As a family, I would like to develop a rich curriculum. I think it is important to cover the basics but I think it is also important to expose children to different cultures and traditions. I want there to be time for Math, Reading, English, History, Science, Social Studies, Art, Music, Computers and Athletics. I also think it is important to have free time and of course nap time. As well, every month I would like one child to bring something from their family. I would like to focus on that particular culture for that month. I think when children realize something is real and see an actual person in front of them I feel people are more eager to learn.

  I would have an age limit, infants to children up to four years old. I think it is important that children be around others their own age so they can relate, explore and uncover new situations together. If possibly I would love to have a diverse group of children. I think the best way to learn about people who are different is by being exposed to diversity at a young age. Lastly, I want to encourage parents to be involved and join in when time permits.

Reference:
Derman-Sparks, L., & Edwards, J. O. (2010).Anti-bias education for young children and ourselves. Washington, DC: National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC)

What I Have Learned

 One thing I hope when working with children and families or anyone is that I never make them feel uncomfortable, not important or not belonging. One goal I would like to implement in the early childhood field is suggesting an opportunity to discuss biases in trainings. It is important to talk about how to educate our children but in the process we have to understand there are many factors that prevent children from learning. All educators need to be aware of their own biases and remind them of the obstacles these children face.

Lastly, I would like to thank all of my colleagues for your continued support. It is reassuring to read encouraging comments. As well it is nice to see my colleagues being able to relate to my feelings and experiences. I hope to continue working with each and every one of you. I wish you all nothing but the best; as well as a Happy Holiday and a prosperous New Year. 

Creating Art

I am me

I am just like you because you are different just like me

My family is unique because there is no other family like this.

I have beliefs and you have yours

Black, white, limbs, no limbs, Muslim, Christian, old, young, lesbian, gay,  are all people at the end of the day

During this course I was able to talk about the biases that others ignore. I was once the “other” who thought it was best to pretend like my biases did not exist and that those who were different did not exist. I thought that was the proper way of handling things. I understand that by not acknowledging their presences does not make the fact that they are different go away. Everyone wants to feel important.

My collage represent that our world is filled with all different races and religions. Some people are happy and living luxury lives while others are experiencing pain, sadness and poverty. Some have obvious disabilities while others plainly look different.

"We Don't Say Those Words in Class!"

I have a student who has Tourette syndrome so he twitches a lot, his neck jerks, which causes his head to shake quite often, his eye twitches and he stutters. On the other hand, he is a very talkative student who does talk more than needed and at times he irritates other students around him. Due to the fact his behavior is a problem at times the students are very short tempered with him. One student yelled out “would you shut up and stop doing all that twitching”. The teacher assistant immediately tells the student “No, do not say that” and silenced the student.

I think the student was confused on why she was being asked to stop talking. The teacher assistant did not want to draw attention by saying that is not nice to say. The student asked why she was asked to stop talking when she felt she was telling the boy the right thing to do. The boy in return told her he has Tourette syndrome and is unable to control his twitching. There was a long pause of silence and then she replied that she was sorry that she didn’t know.

I think in a classroom setting when the children and the student are going to be working together for many months, I think it is important to get a good understanding about each other. I think if we openly talk about things such as disabilities, it no longer becomes a foreign topic. I remember in school if we had someone who has a disability we would talk as a class and would ask questions so everyone would feel comfortable. Once you talk things out, it is out in the open and there is no more curiosity or ignorance which can lead to biases. The way things have changed so many people are scared of being sued. Even if the child is open to talk about their disability the discussion it brought to an end abruptly. I think if people were aware that he has Tourette syndrome the students would not have ridiculed him for twitching and been more sensitive.    

Gender, Gender Identity, and Sexual Orientation

I remember when the Ellen DeGeneres show first aired, I was immediately hooked. I started watching the show daily. I remember one particular time my cousin came home with me and it was time for the show to come on. I turned to the show and was all ready to watch and the look of disgust came over her face. She asked “are you about to watch that; I can’t stand to watch gay people I just can’t do it”. I was shocked that she felt that way but I continued to watch the show. While watching the show I felt uneasy because I knew she was not comfortable watching the show. It amazed me how opposite two people from the same family could be.

In one situation I had a class of all boys except one girl. Basically I had a room full of boys around the age of thirteen. Majority of these boys played sports and were on the football team at that time. The boys that did not play sports were looked upon as an outcast; they were portrayed as weak because they were not on the team. In the peak of an argument I would you “fag” “you are gay” “you act like a girl” “you are a sissy” and anything else that would mean a boy acted like a girl. I took offense to hearing those slurs and immediately addressed the issue. I wanted the boys to know their behavior was unacceptable and would not be tolerated. I did not want anyone to take offense, be ashamed or embarrassed. I feel you have to stop things instantaneously before anyone begins to feel it is appropriate to use such disgraceful language. 

Reflecting on Communication in the Early Childhood Field

I would like to thank all of my colleagues for your continued support. Some of you all I recognize from my very first course. It is comforting to see familiar names; it is almost like seeing a familiar face. I thank you all for your words of encouragement and questions. The questions that some of you all proposed to me pushed me to expand on my thoughts and even see things from a different light. I appreciate each and every one of you all and wish everyone nothing but the best through their education journey and throughout life.



ksaleh21@gmail.com