Observing Communication

I observed a mother and her two children at a grocery store this week. The two children both boys one appeared to be around the age of one and the other about four. The lines were long, no express lanes and the store was short on help that evening. This particular family was directly in front of me in line. The one year old was asleep so the mother was only communicating with the oldest boy. The family all wore jeans; the mom appeared to have on an older pair of jeans and looked like she was in need of a new pair of shoes. The mom did not have on a jacket and it was very cold that evening. The youngest son did not have on shoes but he was buckled in his car seat with socks on and a blanket. The oldest son’s clothes were not clean and his shoes were very dirty. However, I know children around his age enjoy playing and may get their clothes dirty fast. Looking at the combination of their appearance, my first thought was they may be a family struggling like other families.

The family only had a few items in their shopping cart and the mom seemed to be mentally adding up the cost of the items in her cart. Then the mom checked back in her purse, I am assuming she was checking to see if she had enough money to cover the items. The oldest spotted some candy that was made with a toy that he wanted. He grabbed the candy and the mom immediately but quietly told him to put it back. The son made no initiative to put the item back. Instead he held on to the candy even tighter. The mother was obviously not trying to make a scene and wanted to be very discrete. She bent down to her son with her back towards me and whispered something in his ear but the boy said “no” very loudly.  The mother than started counting one, two, three but the boy held his head down and would not look at her. By now I was getting the impression the mom was starting to get impatient and embarrassed because she knew people were noticing the situation. The mom then grabbed the candy out of his hand and placed it on the shelf. This brought the boy to tears and he fell down on his knees. The mom then picks her son off the floor and puts him in the shopping cart and tells him to stop. She tries to casually talk to him and he does not respond or make eye contact.

One thing I have learned throughout the weeks is that it is important to allow children to express their feelings. I understand the mom was losing endurance and was probably beginning to feel uncomfortable but I know the situation could have been handled better. As well, I could not help but think that this child could use a persona doll to express his feeling. The doll could have a similar situation as the little boy and may make it easier for this boy to talk about his feelings. In addition, I am not sure of the entire conversation due to the low tone of voice but what I was able to hear and figure out, I know the choice of words could be better. Furthermore, if the mom had conversations prior with her son he would not have been expecting to receive a gift. I think some parents promise their child “you will get it next time” and children do not forget. Then when it is the “next time” their feelings are crushed when they once again are unable to keep the item. I am aware it is natural for a child to go somewhere and want something but explain to a child instead of telling them “no” or they can’t have it. An open line of communication makes it easier on the child rather if it is talking to a persona doll, talking to their parents or teacher.

If I were in that situation I would have talked to my child before going to the store so they would not be expecting to get anything extra. Next, I would have talked to my child about why he could not buy the candy. I wouldn’t have snatched the item from him but had him to put the candy back on his own. As well, I would have talked to him when we left the store to see if he had a better understanding.  Daily, I try to make sure children have a voice and by telling them to stop or not talk, I feel in a sense that is a form of taking away their voice.

Classism like many –isms is hard for children to understand. The child understands his mom is not allowing him to get the item of choice but does not really understand why he can’t have it. Explaining poverty and the causes of this situation is very difficult task. In addition, I have learned that my way of thinking has changed. I no longer look at a child acting out as a temper tantrum but more of a form of expressing their emotions because they are hurt.

Creating Affirming Environments

If I had my own Family Child Care Home, I would make sure it is a true “home” for children. Everyone wants to be at a place that is loving and caring. For young children it is extremely hard from them to leave their parents and their home because that is the place where they know they are safe. I want the environment to be inviting and warm. I want bright colors and furniture made specifically for children. I want signs in all languages. I would have posters, pictures and art work presenting different cultures and themes. I want to match all of the cultures of the children in the home and even some that are not. I want play areas where the children can use their imagination and explore. I want educational toys, as well as toys for the children to just have fun. I also want the children to be exposed to technology.

 I would have a positive faculty who are willing to go beyond to reach every child that comes in contact with our program. If possible it would be great to work with a diverse faculty so families could see a face that resembles their own. The faculty would not be a team but more like a family. The possibilities are amazing when people work together. I now understand the best way to get results are by working as a team.

As a family, I would like to develop a rich curriculum. I think it is important to cover the basics but I think it is also important to expose children to different cultures and traditions. I want there to be time for Math, Reading, English, History, Science, Social Studies, Art, Music, Computers and Athletics. I also think it is important to have free time and of course nap time. As well, every month I would like one child to bring something from their family. I would like to focus on that particular culture for that month. I think when children realize something is real and see an actual person in front of them I feel people are more eager to learn.

  I would have an age limit, infants to children up to four years old. I think it is important that children be around others their own age so they can relate, explore and uncover new situations together. If possibly I would love to have a diverse group of children. I think the best way to learn about people who are different is by being exposed to diversity at a young age. Lastly, I want to encourage parents to be involved and join in when time permits.

Reference:
Derman-Sparks, L., & Edwards, J. O. (2010).Anti-bias education for young children and ourselves. Washington, DC: National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC)